Attitudes

DOMA struck down.

This is a huge day in the States. The Supreme Court ruled that the Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA), banning same sex marriage, is unconstitutional. This means that the federal government will now legally recognize same sex marriages. While this is a massive victory for gay rights at the federal level, it still leaves room for individual states to write their own laws regarding gay marriage. As it stands, 30 stated have amended their constitutions to forbid same-sex marriage. So the battle will now be taken to the state level.

Not surprisingly, this story has been all over the news. Here's a sample from the Huffington Post:

Supreme Court DOMA Decision Rules Federal Same-Sex Marriage Ban Unconstitutional

WASHINGTON -- The Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by the states, is unconstitutional, the Supreme Court ruled Wednesday by a 5-4 vote.

"The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the majority opinion. "By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment."

Justice Kennedy delivered the court’s opinion, and was joined by Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan. Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito all filed dissenting opinions. Justice Clarence Thomas joined Scalia's dissent in whole and parts of Alito's opinion.

As Kennedy read the majority opinion from the bench, cries were heard in the courtroom when the justice delivered the verdict that DOMA violates the Fifth Amendment. A number of same-sex couples sitting in the audience looked up at the ceiling, while others wiped away tears.

DOMA, signed by President Bill Clinton in 1996, prevented same-sex couples whose marriages were recognized by their home state from receiving the hundreds of benefits available to other married couples under federal law. During the Obama administration, the Justice Department initially defended DOMA in court despite the administration’s desire to repeal it. But the Justice Department changed course in early 2011, finding that the law was unconstitutional and declining to defend it any longer. (The majority opinion slightly criticized that decision on Wednesday, writing that the "failure to defend the constitutionality of an Act of Congress based on a constitutional theory not yet established in judicial decisions" had "created a procedural dilemma.") House Republicans have since spent hundreds of thousands of dollars taking over that defense.

Read the rest, plus tons of video and photos from around the web, here.

Most religious cities highest porn consumers.

From Al.com (and reported all over the place):

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be No. 1.

Not when the ranking is on the list of "very religious" cities whose residents watch the most online porn.

Huntsville took top "honors" in the poll in which one of the largest online pornography sites, PornHub.com, used data from a Gallup poll on U.S. cities that are "very religious" and compared it with the cities whose residents most often visit its site, according to the BuzzFeed.com.

The findings - based on most religious cities ranked by per capita visits to Pornhub between December 1, 2012 and April 30, 2013 - showed 55 percent of Huntsville residents are "very religious" and make 23.8 PornHub views per capita.

Montgomery and Birmingham showed up on the list, as well, at Nos. 2 and 7, respectively.

Here is the Top 12 list (see more detailed information at BuzzFeed):

1. Huntsville, Al.

2. Montgomery, Al.

3. Little Rock, Ark. (including North Little Rock and Conway)

4. Baton Rouge, La.

5. Augusta, Ga. (including Richmond County)

6. Jackson, Miss.

7. Birmingham, Al. (including Hoover)

8. Holland, Mich. (including Green Haven)

9. Greenville, S.C. (including Mauldin and Easley)

10. Provo, Utah (including Orem)

11. Hickory, N.C. (including Lenoir and Morganton)

12. Ogden, Utah, (including Clearfield)

Critique: In defence of pornography.

Wendy McElroy is a self-described individualist feminist and individualist anarchist (her website is here). She's the authour of XXX: A Woman's Right to Pornography. In an article published online, she analytically works her way through the various feminist approaches to pornography. Here are some excerpts:

[...]

The assumed degradation is often linked to the 'objectification' of women: that is, porn converts them into sexual objects. What does this mean? If taken literally, it means nothing because objects don't have sexuality; only beings do. But to say that porn portrays women as 'sexual beings' makes for poor rhetoric. Usually, the term 'sex objects' means showing women as 'body parts', reducing them to physical objects. What is wrong with this? Women are as much their bodies as they are their minds or souls. No one gets upset if you present women as 'brains' or as 'spiritual beings'. If I concentrated on a woman's sense of humor to the exclusion of her other characteristics, is this degrading? Why is it degrading to focus on her sexuality?

[...]

Although women in pornography appear to be willing, anti-porn feminists know that no psychologically healthy woman would agree to the degradation of pornography. Therefore, if agreement seems to be present, it is because the women have 'fallen in love with their own oppression' and must be rescued from themselves.

A common emotional theme in the porn actresses I have interviewed is a love of exhibitionism. Yet if such a woman declares her enjoyment in flaunting her body, anti-porn feminists claim she is not merely a unique human being who reacts from a different background or personality. She is psychologically damaged and no longer responsible for her actions. In essence, this is a denial of a woman's right to choose anything outside the narrow corridor of choices offered by political/sexual correctness. The right to choose hinges on the right to make a 'wrong' choice, just as freedom of religion entails the right to be an atheist. After all, no one will prevent a woman from doing what they think she should do.

Read the rest here.

Exodus International shuts down.

This story just blew up, following Exodus International's annual convention on Tuesday, and an announcement published on the organization's website.

Exodus International has been at the forefront of conversion therapy since the 1970s. At it's largest, it was affiliated with over 120 ex-gay ministries here in North America and another 150 in other parts of the world. It is now recognized that EI has done irreparable harm to many people around the globe. Perhaps the darkest moment for EI was its role in shaping Ugandan laws against homosexuality, which represent a severe violation of human rights (e.g., death penalty).

Many of the leaders of EI, who claimed to be cured of their same sex sexual preference, went on to be kicked out of the organization for getting back into same-sex relationships. The history of EI is spotty, to say the least. Read about it here.

After almost 40 years, EI has shut down, and their leader, Alan Chambers, has issued a public apology. Here's what he had to say:

Three years ago, Leslie and I began a very public conversation with Our America’s Lisa Ling, from the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) regarding some of our deeply held beliefs about Christianity and the LGBT community. Today, we have decided to carry this public conversation even further. While this conversation has and may well continue to be met with many different responses from supporters and critics, it is our desire to keep having these honest discussions in the hopes of arriving to a place of peace.

Several months ago, this conversation led me to call Lisa Ling to take another step on this messy journey. I asked if she would, once again, help us add to the unfolding story by covering my apology to the people who have been hurt by Exodus International. Our ministry has been public and therefore any acknowledgement of wrong must also be public. I haven’t always been the leader of Exodus, but I am now and someone must finally own and acknowledge the hurt of others. I do so anxiously, but willingly.

It is strange to be someone who has both been hurt by the church’s treatment of the LGBT community, and also to be someone who must apologize for being part of the very system of ignorance that perpetuated that hurt. Today it is as if I’ve just woken up to a greater sense of how painful it is to be a sinner in the hands of an angry church.

Read the rest here.

And part of his letter to the LGBT community:

Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me.

And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.

Read the rest here.

And part of the statement from EI:

“We’re not negating the ways God used Exodus to positively affect thousands of people, but a new generation of Christians is looking for change – and they want to be heard,” Tony Moore, Board member of Exodus. The message came less than a day after Exodus released a statement apologizing (www.exodusinternational.org/apology) to the gay community for years of undue judgment by the organization and the Christian Church as a whole.

“Exodus is an institution in the conservative Christian world, but we’ve ceased to be a living, breathing organism,” said Alan Chambers, President of Exodus. “For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical.”

Chambers continued: “From a Judeo-Christian perspective, gay, straight or otherwise, we’re all prodigal sons and daughters. Exodus International is the prodigal’s older brother, trying to impose its will on God’s promises, and make judgments on who’s worthy of His Kingdom. God is calling us to be the Father – to welcome everyone, to love unhindered.”

For these reasons, the Board of Directors unanimously voted to close Exodus International and begin a separate ministry. “This is a new season of ministry, to a new generation,” said Chambers. “Our goals are to reduce fear (reducefear.org), and come alongside churches to become safe, welcoming, and mutually transforming communities.”

Read the rest here.

Russia outlaws gay propaganda.

From the Guardian:

Russia passes law banning gay 'propaganda'

Law will make it illegal to equate straight and gay relationships and to distribute gay rights material.

Russia's parliament has unanimously passed a federal law banning gay "propaganda" amid a Kremlin push to enshrine deeply conservative values that critics say has already led to a sharp increase in anti-gay violence.

The law passed 436-0 on Tuesday, with just one deputy abstaining from voting on the bill, which bans the spreading of "propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations" among minors.

The law in effect makes it illegal to equate straight and gay relationships, as well as the distribution of material on gay rights. It introduces fines for individuals and media groups found guilty of breaking the law, as well as special fines for foreigners.

Minutes after passing the anti-gay legislation, the Duma also approved a new law allowing jail sentences of up to three years for "offending religious feelings", an initiative launched in the wake of the trial against the anti-Kremlin punk band Pussy Riot.

The two laws were widely criticised by Russia's marginalised liberal and human rights communities and come amid a wider crackdown against independent civil activity in the country.

"I have sincere contempt for the Duma's deputies. All, including the so-called opposition. You have now brought fascism to my country," wrote Yelena Kostychenko, a journalist at the independent Novaya Gazeta newspaper.

International rights groups have called the current situation in Russia the worst human rights climate in the post-Soviet era.

The two laws vastly boost the power of the Russian Orthodox church, a religious body that professes total allegiance to the state. Putin, who often makes a show of his faith, has increasingly called upon the church to fill his own ideological vacuum following a contested presidential election last year, accompanied by unprecedented protests against him.

Read the rest here.

And from George Stroumboulopoulos at the CBC:

Russian Lawmakers Pass A Bill Making It Illegal To Tell Children Homosexuality Exists

Russia's lower house of parliament has passed a law that imposes fines on anyone who provides information about homosexuality to people under 18.

The bill, approved by the State Duma, will officially become law once it's approved by the upper house and President Vladimir Putin, which is basically a formality, BBC Newsreports.

The bill's co-author, Yelena Mizulina, is head of the Duma's Committee for Family, Women, and Children. She says the idea is to protect Russian children from information that rejects "traditional family values."

"[The bill prohibits] the spreading of information aimed at forming nontraditional sexual attitudes among children," she said. "Secondly, [it prohibits] the imposition of information about nontraditional sexual relations that may cause interest among children."

10-year anniversary for Canada's first married gay couple.

From the CBC:

Canada's 1st Same-Sex Marriage Couple Celebrates 10 Years

Michael Stark and Michael Leshner are celebrating 10 years since they became the first same-sex couple to be legally married in Canada.

That was June 10, 2003, and their union came after the Ontario Court of Appeal upheld a lower court ruling to legally allow such marriages.

The Toronto couple reflects on the significance of that historical day.

Go see the video here.

This American Life: The Sanctity of Marriage.

If you've never had a chance to check out the radio show, This American Life, you really should. Each week they address a theme through documentary real-life stories and interviews. It's very popular, and rightly so.

Jasmine sent me the following email:

Not sure if you've heard this before - I actually came across this while listening to some older episodes of This American Life a while ago! It has clips of audio from Gottman's recordings of couples and their interactions, and is pretty entertaining! The rest of the stories in this episode all revolve around marriage/divorce and relationships as well, so I think it's a good listen, so thought I'd pass it along!

Go listen to it here.

Choice?

Street interviews conducted by Travis Nuckolls and Chris Baker in Colorado Springs prove that asking the right question can be more important than anything you can tell someone. Travis: http://www.linkedin.com/in/travisnuckolls Chris: http://www.ilovechrisbaker.com

Going without makeup.

Continuing on the theme of makeup...

Many women who normally wear makeup have experimented with going makeup-free - this is nothing new. But in the last few years, several articles, blog posts and even a week-long internet-based event have documented these experiments, with women candidly discussing their experiences going without. The responses have been mixed, with some people being very supportive and others highly critical.

Here's the beginning of an article at Jezebel by Rachel Rabbit White, a popular blogger who conceived the idea of the No Make Up Week back in 2010:

"Yeah, but I don't wear much…" were my first thoughts, when I imagined running this experiment. No Make-up Week: the idea was good, I thought, but my heart raced a little as it sank in.

"But I don't wear much." And I realized I was a little quick to run to the defense of my palettes and powder.

It's not about taking a week off because make-up is somehow bad or because not wearing it is better. It's that by taking a week off, I should be able to understand my relationship to cosmetics more clearly. Why do I feel I need to sketch on eyebrow pencil before going to the grocery? To shellac my face before seeing a friend? And if I am going to a networking event or party, can I feel comfortable in anything less than contoured cheeks and caked on lashes?

When I think about not wearing make-up for a week, a voice inside of me screams, Noooooooooo! And this is exactly what I want to explore. I mean, the thing is this: Make-up is a powerful tool, it has the ability to transform, to incite imagination and creativity. But, when an option turns into a necessity, I don't know if it's still a tool. At the least, it loses its spark.

And then, there are the social reasons that push us to wear make-up. A study online claims that 8 out of 10 women prefer their female colleagues to wear makeup and the same number of women said they would rather employ a woman who wore makeup than one who didn't. Because of these expectations, I think it's hard for any woman to have a good relationship to make-up.

For me, a good relationship with make-up isn't a given, but it is something to work towards. Whether you wear make-up or not, there is a story there. I often feel like I *need* make-up. And when there is not a real feeling of choice, this needs to be explored.

The comment section for the article gets pretty heated, with many women calling Ms. White out for being insensitive to those who aren't naturally beautiful and for not respecting peoples' choices. Check it out here.

All the posts about No Make Up Week from Ms. White and other contributors can be found here.

Another blogger, Kendall Bitonte (who also is a USA Today correspondent - photo of her at the top of the post), documented her 6-week experiment with no makeup. Here's what she had to say over at the Beauty Bean:

Cleanser. Lotion. Foundation. Bronzer. Blush. Eye shadow on brow bone, lid and crease. Eyeliner. Mascara. Chapstick.

And that was just a typical Wednesday morning.

The face that stared back in the mirror at 7:30AM, baggy eyed with blonde lashes and an uneven skin tone, was a blank canvas that beckoned for paint, definition and color before being viewed by the world.

As I washed my face that night and watched the colors swirl down the drain, I realized my relationship with creams, powders and wands had become a bit more complicated than Covergirl’s “Easy, Breezy, Beautiful.” In fact, applying and wearing makeup was my ritual, a source of joy and a duty. I thought the products made me prettier, more desirable, and more respected by society.

Over the past twenty-one years, I had been waging a war against the body that I saw. I hated my body; from my thighs to my nose, my attributes seemed alien and I never saw an image that convinced me otherwise. Out of all other means, makeup was quickest for me to stencil myself into the published images of beauty.

But makeup was temporary and fleeting relief. Regardless of my efforts and no matter how much I grew, matured, exercised or what I wore, I could never change how I looked. Yet, I kept trying, failing and trying again.

But on that Wednesday, I lay in bed so tired of failing. The tears of the twelve year old in struggling in the GAP dressing room welled up behind the eyes of the now-almost adult. I was disgusted with myself for this self-hatred. My internal fight had exhausted me.

Enough is enough.

“I’m giving up makeup!”

I got up from bed and zipped my makeup bag shut-and shut it would stay for the next six weeks.

Before going leaving for class on day one, I took one last look in the mirror and did not recognize myself. Oh boy, don’t you look like a ray of sunshine. I threw on a scarf to put something pretty near my face, fixed my hair and stared back at my bare face-everything looked so wrong.

These six weeks are going to suck.

This revulsion at my fresh face did not subside until around week four. In these weeks, my face braved class, extracurricular activities, bars, dance parties, Spring Break and a graduate school interview all without the armor of cosmetics. I faced each day with a dose of doubt and fluttering nerves that someone would call my bluff and question who I thought I was looking so undone. You’re not pretty enough to do this.

Despite my fear, I doubted that someone would say something about my lack of makeup (the possible awkwardness would hopefully stop any sane person). My doubt rang true as I went six weeks without a single interrogation of “Are you not wearing makeup?” In fact, the closest questioning was far from a negative experience: a guy friend of mine asked at the middle of week four, “Did you do something different with your hair? Something looks different, I can’t figure it out but it’s a good different.” I shook my head and smiled. So someone did notice-he noticed me and I am a ‘good different.’ So, while I cannot say if anyone noticed that I did not wear makeup, I can say with absolutely certainty that no one cared.

With these six weeks now behind me, I wear much less makeup. I hardly ever wear anything besides moisturizer and chapstick to class and when I do “glam up” for the weekend, I think of makeup as means to accentuate my features, not to cover them.

But the rebellion against my own demoralization is far from over. As these past six weeks taught me, the world embraces me more than I embrace myself and wearing less makeup has been one small step towards self-love and towards the end of this fight.

And what would a post on makeup be without a little levity from Jenna Marbles (NSFW language!):

Doggy Toys: http://jennamarblesblog.com/shop As I sat down to write this description I just remembered that girl that has two vaginas HAHAHAHA like how does she have sex or like put a tampon in there, which one does she pee out of or is it like it just comes out of both?


New PSA campaign: Unexpected?

From Al Jazeera:

What if boys got pregnant? Teen pregnancy campaign shocks and sparks dialogue.

A Chicago teen pregnancy campaign took an 'unexpected' turn when it featured Photoshopped posters of boys baring pregnant bellies. Displayed near local high schools, the campaign stresses the impact of unprotected sex and the importance of shared responsibility. A similar campaign in Milwaukee has been credited for its reduction of teen pregnancy rates.

See some of the feedback here.

And another one of the ads:

New research: Women don't like friends who've had more partners.

From Huffington Post (and reported elsewhere).

The researchers expected that compared to men, women (especially those with more sexual partners) would be less likely to negatively judge other women with more sexual partners. They discovered the opposite:

Female Friendship: Women Less Likely To Befriend Promiscuous Peers Regardless Of Their Own Sexual History, Study Finds

In case you needed more proof that your sex life shouldn't be anyone else's business, a new study suggests that the number of people you've slept with can affect whether other women want to be friends with you.

New research out of Cornell University found that women judge their "promiscuous" peers harshly -- to the point where they don't want to be friends with them. The study was published this month in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

A research team led by Zhana Vrangalova, a graduate student in the field of human development in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell, surveyed 751 college students about their past sexual experiences and attitudes about sex and relationships. Participants then read a short story about a peer of their own gender, who had either had two or 20 sexual partners in his or her lifetime, and were asked to rate that peer on "friendship factors" including likeability, competence and morality.

Female participants ranked the woman with 20 sexual partners more negatively on nine of the ten friendship attributes, regardless of their own sexual history. This pattern was not seen in male participants.

"What surprised us in this study is how unaccepting promiscuous women were of other promiscuous women when it came to friendships –- these are the very people one would think they could turn to for support," Vrangalova said in a press release.

Anna Breslaw at Jezebel commented that the study makes a case for rethinking how we choose to make friends, given that women denied friendship on the basis of their sex lives can lead to isolation and poor psychological outcomes.

A 2005 study found that both women and men were judged for a high number of sexual partners, but other research has suggested that women are evaluated much more harshly than men. Research from 2009 found that this was especially true in teenagers.

Strong is the new skinny?

I previously posted about this theme in female attractiveness when MAC Cosmetics came out with their Strength line. The marketing for it features a figure competitor (much like a body builder, but less emphasis on massive muscles), Jelena Abbou. The post led to an interesting discussion about beauty ideals and as most agreed, replacing one (being thin) with another (being muscular - and still thin) isn't really all that helpful (it might also be worth mentioning that Jelena Abbou has had breast enlargement surgery, too). An obsession with a different ideal is still an unhealthy obsession. At least the more muscular physique represents an alternative, though, and as some people have argued, a healthier one because it exudes strength rather than weakness. Read the post here.

A recent blog post by a woman really into Crossfit has drawn a lot of attention for similar reasons. She draws a distinction between skinny and strong, and chronicles her journey from one to the other. Some samples:

This Trendy “Strong is the New Skinny” Thing (and what it could mean for the next generation of girls)

For the record: Teenage girls are so goddamn moody because they are always fucking hungry.I guarantee you that every teenage girl’s angst is amplified ~300% because she is 1) miserable because she’s on a diet and hungry 2) miserable because she’s “on a diet” but just ate a cake and feels really guilty and is considering regurgitating it 3) miserable because she’s given up on dieting and resigned herself to being “fat”. And why do we do this to ourselves?

Because we want to be thin and beautiful.

This desire to be thin and beautiful goes much, much deeper than the desire to be sexually attractive (Dear men: We don’t actually care about you that much). Eventually all girls internalize (whether we realize it or not) certain realizations about how the world works, and our dual status of being both human beings and sexual objects. Girls learn things like employment, leadership opportunities, and social acceptance come easier when you’re good looking. We see in the media that a woman’s viability as a sexual object is often emphasized more than her intellectual accomplishments. In fact,the success of a powerful woman is often accompanied, or even overshadowed, by the attention directed at her appearance.

[...]

The time when I was my skinniest and most photographically beautiful (i.e. I looked magazine-cover-skinny) was also the time when I was at my weakest, in all senses of the word. I was constantly asking the guys downstairs to opens jars for me, and if they weren’t home, well then I was shit out of luck (and pasta sauce). Trying to carry my own suitcases while traveling between Seattle and Montreal was (pathetically) a nightmare. Even carrying pitchers of beer at the bar I was working at was a struggle for my skeletal arms. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and constantly tired. I’m sure that my brain wasn’t functioning all too well either.

[...]

But when I look back at my experiences, decisions, and accomplishments, I still wonder how different would my life have been if I had been encouraged to be strong instead of skinny. Would my grades have been better if I hadn’t been literally starving myself since the age of 13? Could I have gotten into Harvard instead of McGill? Would I have been a better runner if I had been encouraged to fucking eat instead of diet. Would I have had better relationships with my parents, sister, and friends?

[...]

Now when I look in the mirror (this is embarrassing by the way, I can’t believe I’m admitting this online) I flex instead of sucking in. Now when I pinch my stomach, it’s to feel my abs, not to feel shitty about how much “flab” (real or imaginary) is sitting there. I no longer stare at the “calories burned” display on the elliptical, but how many plates I have on each end of the barbell. I can open my own pasta sauce jars now. I am moving soon and do not need the help of any hulking strong lad to transport my furniture. My goal has changed from “be a size zero” to do a motherfucking pull up. I have gained far more self-esteem from being able to pick up heavy shit that I ever have from being able to zip up a skin-tight designer dress. I became a more capable, energetic, independent, and mentally focused person once my focus shifted from what my body looks like to what my body can do.

Go read the rest here.

Sexual response during rape.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL VIOLENCE! Click Continue reading to view the post, including a Reddit Ask Me Anything with a therapist who treats sexual assault survivors who experienced orgasms while being raped.

Many rape survivors start having rape fantasies after being assaulted. It's seems counterintuitive given the psychological trauma that accompanies rape. But it appears that rape fantasies, for some rape survivors, can actually be a part of the healing process. Fantasies allow for total control by the person having the fantasy, so what was once completely out of that person's control (i.e., the actual rape) becomes something that she can control (i.e., in her fantasies). It's about regaining power over a powerless situation. Some rape survivors also report developing a preference for rough sex for similar reasons.

One thing that rarely gets mention for fear of absolving perpetrators from the damage that they cause and for making it seem like the victims enjoyed the experience, is that many people, both women and men, who have been sexually assaulted become physiologically sexually aroused, and some even orgasm. Again, this seems counterintuitive, but from a purely physiological point of view it makes some sense. One can become physiologically aroused through physical stimulation without becoming psychologically aroused or enjoying the experience. It's simply a physical response, much like laughing when tickled (which is typically an unpleasant experience). For someone who has physiological response during sexual assault, this can be an extremely difficult thing to understand given the traumatic nature of the event. It can lead to shame, guilt, secrecy, etc. There was an AMA on Reddit a while back by a therapist who specializes in treating women who have such a response. Here's his intro:

There are people who do not believe it's possible for a woman or man to achieve orgasm during rape or other kinds of violent sexual assault. Some believe having an orgasm under these circumstances means that it wasn't a "real" rape or the woman/man "wanted" it.

I've assisted more young women than I can count with this very issue. It often comes up at some point during therapy and it's extremely embarrassing or shameful to talk about. However once it's out in the open, the survivor can look at her/his reaction honestly and begin to heal. The shame and guilt around it is a large part of why some rapes go unreported and why there is a need for better understanding in society for how and why this occurs.

There have been very few studies on orgasm during rape, but the research so far shows numbers from 10% to over 50% having this experience. In my experience as a therapist, it has been somewhat less than half of the girls/women I've worked with. (For the record, I have worked with very few boys/men who reported this.)

In professional discussions, colleagues report similar numbers. Therapists don't usually talk about this publicly as they fear contributing to the idea of victims "enjoying rape." It's also a reason why there isn't more research done on this and similar topics. My belief is that as difficult a topic as this is, if we can address it directly and remove the shame and stigma, then a lot more healing can happen. I'm hopeful that the Reddit community is open to learning and discussing topics like this.

The AMA is an intense read, both because of his amazing compassion and the willingness of those participating in the AMA with him to share their experiences. Here's a sample (click to make larger):

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Click the following link for the entire AMA: link. And one he did a few months earlier: link.

Here’s the link to his website: link.

Popular Science also published an article on the topic which reviews some of the research. See it here.

Sex surrogacy.

Cheryl-Cohen-Greene
Cheryl-Cohen-Greene

From AOL:

Sex Surrogate Cheryl Cohen Greene, 68: I've Slept With Over 900 People

Cheryl Cohen Greene is a 68-year-old loving grandmother and cancer survivor who's been happily married for 33 years. In that time, she's slept with hundreds of other men in her conjugal bed, and transformed many of their lives.

Greene is a sex surrogate, treating patients with sexual difficulties through talk, touching and intercourse, for $300 per two-hour session. Greene's story has now reached hundreds of thousands of people, thanks to the movie "The Sessions," about the treatments that she (played by Helen Hunt) provided journalist and poet Mark O'Brien (John Hawkes), who was disabled by polio as a boy.

Paralyzed from the neck down and tethered to an iron lung, O'Brien sought Greene's services as a 38-year-old virgin who hoped to find some comfort in his own skin, and feel a little more deserving of love. Greene talks about her experiences with O'Brien, as well as several other of her patients, in her memoir An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner, published in November.

Read the rest here.

And a video clip from CNN to go with the article:

CNN's Brooke Baldwin speaks with a sex surrogate whose work with a quadriplegic helped him rediscover his sexuality.

Gotta say, I'm not so keen on the distinction between sex surrogacy ("serious work") and prostitution being made. Both are sex work, and both can meet a similar need for the clients. This just further stigmatizes prostitution as illegitimate and something to be looked down upon.

Love the sinner, hate the sin: Redux.

Gay rights has become one of the pivotal social issues of our time, pitting those who strictly follow religious doctrine against religious moderates and secularists. It has become one of the primary grounds of the culture war between social conservatives, and both libertarians and liberals.

Organized religions that subscribe to the view that homosexuality is a sin, an illness and a perversion, have found themselves backed into a corner. They have been accused of being bigots, cherry-picking parts of religious texts to suit their prejudices, and have been compared with those who chose to deny rights to ethnic minorities in the past (i.e., in the US, those who fought against the abolition of slavery). Many of the people who are members of these religions have found it extremely difficult to try to reconcile their religious beliefs with their desire to be good, nice, non-hateful people (this is a classic example of cognitive dissonance). This has led to a lot of mental gymnastics on their parts to try to justify their beliefs. Probably the best example is the idea of loving the sinner but not the sin. In other words, as someone who follows strict religious doctrine, you love the homosexual as a person, but not his/her behaviour (as its sinful). This allows them to speak out against homosexuality (and actively fight against gay rights, in many cases) and still feel good about themselves.

Here's a good explanation of why this problematic, from John Corvino:

John Corvino explains the problem with the standard "Love the Sinner/Hate the Sin" line, while also rejecting simplistic distinctions between homosexual orientation and homosexual conduct. He concludes with a message to religious conservatives who want to express their love for LGBT people while still maintaining that same-sex relations are sinful.

The following article is the next step in this approach. The mental gymnastics are more convoluted and the writing is intellectually inspired, but the purpose is still the same. Instead of love the sinner, hate the sin, it's that sexuality shouldn't really be that important to an individual (and that individual's identity) and therefore there shouldn't really be any fuss about the church's doctrine declaring homosexuality a sin.

From Patheos:

No Longer Anonymous: Why I Decided to Come Out as a Gay Priest

Bravely facing the applause of a world in love with labels, and just in time for the release of a second edition of his new book “Hidden Voices, Reflections of a Gay, Catholic Priest,” Fr. Gary M. Meier came out today and declared himself openly gay to the notoriously unsympathetic Huffington Post.

Bless the man, may the Lord keep him, let His face shine upon him and give him His peace. He’ll be attacked by idiotic Catholics, whose quotes will undoubtedly be used in his up-and-coming “This Has Been Difficult” op-ed. But the sins of hatred will hardly puncture his popularity. I am attacking — with trident and with fire  – his philosophy and his easy critique of Church teaching that will win the blank-eyed nods of every other person who doesn’t give a damn about reading what the Church actually teaches.  He says:

…that’s precisely the message our Church is sharing. LGBT youth are hearing that they are disordered, diseased, defective, damaged goods, wrong when they should be right.

If they are being give this message, it is not by the Church. The message the Church has been consistently giving to LGBTQ youth is the same message she gives to heterosexual youth — you are not your genitals. Stop introducing yourself with your penises.

We take offense at the Church when she says that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered,” (CCC 2357) but only because we put her words through the mind-numbing blender of reductionist thought which defines people as being their sexuality, as being heterosexual, being homosexual, being a lesbian, being pansexual, etc. The LGBTQ movement is so concerned with developing and refining their plethora of scientific labels by which to reduce human beings to a word describing their genital behavior that they — and the culture they own — have forgotten a very simple fact. You are not what gives you a boner.

[...]

No, homosexuality is not a gift from God, and neither is heterosexuality, metrosexuality, omnisexuality, asexuality, or any of the spreading, metastasizing barcodes by which we categorize unique human beings into sections and subsections and sliding-scales until we can finally sleep at night, comfortable that there is a place for everything and everything in its place, and that we, accurately labeled heterosexuals or homosexuals, belong. I’d sooner set myself on fire than be so comfortably placed, for these “sexualities” don’t exist. Sexuality has no existence apart from people. Sexuality is eminently, beautifully, and incredibly personal, a radical adventure in becoming the self that we are, a self that is neither ghost nor corpse but a synthesis of body and soul, an inseparable union we call the human person. It is not a label, it is a challenge, but we’re so frightened of living as the body and soul that we are — and thus becoming Saints — that we’d much prefer to reduce ourselves into the dust from whence we came, to drift as ghosts inhabiting bodies we can hardly stand to live in.

So Meier will misrepresent Church teaching, The Huffington Post will applaud, Macklemore will write a few more songs, and the labels will multiply like loaves under the hands of Christs. But you, reader, defy. Abolish within yourself the inhuman effort of reduction that would have you cowering like a slave. Take up your cross with that joy that castrates fear and become the embodied self who you are.

Read the rest here.

Samesies.

A parody (NSFW language!):

An early tribe deals with a population problem. Written and Directed by John McKeever (@johnnymckeever www.mckeevercomedy.com) For Behind the Scenes Photos: http://www.ironpotato.com (Script will be posted soon!) Director of Photography: Mat D'Avella Production Coordinator: Chason Sordoni Production Assistant: Tyler Wolf Produced by: Two Vances


Genitals.

Two videos from Davey Wavey

Lesbians have a lot to say about penises. See what gay guys think about vaginas: http://youtu.be/Bd3gw3caSEk Special thanks to (in order of appearance): Hannah Hart: http://www.youtube.com/myharto Morgan: http://www.youtube.com/cherrygrrltv Natasha: http://www.youtube.com/natqtpie8 Anna: Twitter/Instagram - @AnnaRGoods Stevie: http://www.youtube.com/sassibob Megan: Instagram - thrasher03 Taryn Southern: http://www.youtube.com/TarynSouthern Arielle: http://www.youtube.com/ArielleIsHamming Add Davey Wavey on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/OfficialDaveyWavey Like Davey Wavey on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DaveyWaveyOfficial Davey Wavey tumblr: http://www.thedaveywaveyofficial.tumblr.com Davey's Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/TheDaveyWavey Davey's second YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/DaveyWaveyRaw Davey's Fitness YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/DaveyWaveyFitness Davey Wavey Apparel: http://daveywavey.acmeprints.com Davey's fitness blog: http://www.daveywaveyfitness.com Davey's Website: http://www.daveywavey.tv Davey Wavey, Inc.

As it turns out, gay men have a lot to say about vaginas. If you love this, share it on your Facebook timeline.

The Oblation Run.

Submitted by Paula (thanks!):

Every year at the University of the Philippines, the Alpha Phi Omega (APO) fraternity has the annual "Oblation Run", an APO (and UP) tradition since the 1970s when the Philippines was under Martial Law. The Oblation Run takes its inspiration from the symbol of the university, the statue of the Oblation (You can simply search the words Oblation UP), which is that of a man, with his arms outstretched, looking up to the sky, completely naked except for some leaves covering his penis. So you guessed it, the Oblation Run has members of the APO fraternity running through the halls of one of the most famous buildings in UP (at least in the Diliman Campus, other branches of UP have the same run but I don't know where they have their route), the Palma Hall, which is the home of the college of Social Sciences and Philosophy, completely naked (but with masks covering their faces). It happens every December, to celebrate (If I remember correctly) the foundation date of APO which is also in December. During the run, the halls are full of people, of all ages, and you do notice more girls (haha) in the mix, which is related to another tradition during the run itself. You'll see the men running holding roses and they give those roses out to girls. I was told as a freshman then that the roses are given out to the prettiest girls (I don't know if that was true but that was the supposed story behind the roses) and some girls studying in the University have it on their "Before I graduate UP list" to get a rose from a frat guy running the Oblation Run. Now the biggest reason they have the Oblation Run is to shed light on issues in the country, as UP is a university known for its protests, and a lot of students are activists as well [because it's the state funded university]. In 2009, when I was a freshman, the biggest issue was the Maguindanao Massacre where about 60 journalists were murdered, allegedly by the family of the governor of one of the provinces to the south. But anyway, the biggest thing that's important about the run is that they use their bodies to draw attention to issues. It's a huge event every year, and people do go to the university just to see it in December and it's always covered by all the big media giants in the country. (I have a video somewhere, but it's not as good as some of the ones I found on Youtube, because these people were actually IN FRONT where you get a good view).

NSFW! 

Uhmm..Let's do comparative analysis

And a news clip from 2009: 

Dinayo muli ang taunang Oblation Run ng mga miyembro ng Alpha Phi Omega fraternity sa UP Diliman! Pero mas malalim raw ang kahulugan ng paghuhubad ng mga lumahok ngayon dahil ginagawa raw nila ito para sa pagbabago sa harap ng mga krisis sa bansa! Nagpa-Patrol, Niña Corpuz.

It says that once again, people flocked to see the annual Oblation Run of the APO Fraternity at the University of the Philippines, but this year, there seems to be a deeper meaning to running naked, because they believe that this will help bring about changes in the midst of crisis in the country.

You can see in that video that girls are squealing, covering their faces (quite hilarious that at 0:33 the girl is covering herself with a paper mask of the current vice president of the Philippines. Apparently, that year, I can't remember if it was the 50th or 100th anniversary of the fraternity and Vice President Binay was apparently participating in the run as well, which would be quite the sight because... yeah. But I'm not sure if he was there because you can't tell the guys' faces because of the masks... unless of course you know them by their penises which would be quite hilarious), and yes even guys were squealing. The girl interviewed says "It's much bigger this year than last year!!!". The guy says that he loved seeing "the show" (I forgot the english equivalent of the word kinilig), and more girls loved getting the aforementioned rose (including a couple of foreigners who I guess went to the university just to see it... not a rare sight at that time haha) But the biggest reason for the run is to shed light on the issues.